This Morning I Woke Up....

Without will power my mind is jaded by your essence
Without strength I cannot fight your presence
For without you I am merely a lonesome soul
Searching amongst darkness for light to unfold
Is it the “I”, “you”, or “we” to blame?
The failure of loves struggle in a triangular game
Was it the “I” who drove you both insane?
The “you” full of devotion in which my weakness came?
Or the “we” I hope to still attain?
Why is it that with so many closed curtains and red doors
I continue to love for more, for the worst always seemed to
Cut our forward journey short, if it wasn’t you it was me, jump ship and abort
Love never intended on this seesaw or merry-go-round
My visions aren’t god’s visions so I’ve found
But in you I felt the connection to be profound
You built me up and then tore me down
I woke up today and decided to wear a new face
For you my love will never, can never be replaced
And with you my heart I have made many mistakes
Over and over I’ve relied on fate, to save us from a never ending break
Worrying, wondering, whining, and crying have gone
I had demoted my SHE from a queen to a pawn
But in this game the King is only allotted one block to move
While I the queen have the whole board to choose
So today I woke up and decided to go journey to a new place

CheckMate!!!!

Ba Ba Black Sheep....

There are always questions running through my head constantly! Most are what if questions, or inquiries concerning my future.

- Congratulatons Jasmine Alexis! Miss Black USA's Talented Teen! I love you!

Im honestly beginning to feel stronger. Its like when I am confined to my self and thoughts I am strong, but when Im out in the midst of the world I become vulnerable. But dont take this the wrong way, by no means am I saying Ima weak chic. Just sometimes we experience things in life that bring you down.

- Always listen to yourself and your gut instinct, Im serious, your gut can save you from pain and sorrow.

- I really dig saving peoples lives! Like I love it, its empowering. I would go into law enforcement but I can not stand police officers and I would never wanna deal with a gun.

Anyone trynna go to a gun range though?! I wanna learn how to shoot one and I think it would be fun. That sounds weird but it looks interesting on tv.

Ooohhh and I almost got arrested with my bestfriends on friday! Wow! For trespassing! Crazy! We didnt know. I mean we knew but we truly didnt know, nah mean?!

- Aye! Ive been studying for my motorcycle permit! Im so psyched, Ima ace it.

Speaking of motorcycles, I feel so bad for these chics who left the club saturday in skirts, heels, and tanktops on the back of a motorcycle and it was raining outside. How stupid can you be?! I prayed for them instantly but thats just sad. People have to learn how to make better decisions.

- BTW i went to LOVE saturday. Havent been ina month. I felt weird and was reassured of why I stopped. Its so much tension, animosity, and fake in the club! I hate it. No one can decipher the two so they get drunk to live in the atmosphere without a care. Lame! I mean I go and have fun with my friends and we genuinely enjoy ourselves without looking straight dumb! And the hatred from other females is truly unbearable! Either I have made too many enemies living in DC or chics just be on it! So ridiculous. Ima very nice person but I hate when people judge me without knowing who I am or because I appear to be living a happy lifestyle. Im over it, just stop.

-I finally saw this weeks episode of Tiny and Toya that I missed! I love her! Follow her on twitter www.twitter.com/antoniacarter and then you can follow me www.twitter.com/elle202 ....

- Where is my mom?! Its 1 am!

- OMG! does anyone remember "OZ" that was my show! (Its on now)

- Have you ever thought about spending your life with someone and then like yall go yall seperate ways, suddenly, and totally unexpected?! That has to be the worst pain ever besides losing a loved one to death!

- I knew if I said she wasnt home sh e would come walking through the door! Its "1:05 am, where have you been?!"

I have written something good in a long time. I always think about writing at the wrong moments when I dont have a pen and paper and my mind should be focused on something else. Other than that I just jot down my random thoughts hoping that I can look back at them and see my randomness turn to reality.

- Sometimes when Im down and out I invision my soulmate. Ima nurturing type of gal and I love sharing my life with loved ones. And since my girls are the closest thing to love in my life at the moment I can just invision him, invision happiness. Its crazy how lifes "360's" turn out. At first I was angry with Gods decision but now I can tell it was for my own good. Both times. I just hope that when its my time there will still be some good ones left. Im not open right now, Im not trynna be in love with anyone new. I dont have time for that. The next person I love will find me to love me and be with me unconditionally. I thought I had it.....

.......HAVE YOU ANY MORE?!