Unexpected Matters

Unexpected Matters
"Who Dat"

Thursday, June 25, 2009

"I want to love you...."

I will never forget the conversation I had with my mother about going to Neverland Ranch to live with Michael. I was eleven years old and suffering the result of my parents divorcing and I really leaned on to Michael Jackson at this age. I remember thinking that the world sees him as a weird person and they are destroying him and I was experiencing alot of neglect and drama at home and school so I thought it would be perfect if we could be together and maybe I could make him feel better, we could be friends.

For me what is so beautiful is that Michael Jackson not only touched lives during the time he was alive but from now on until forever his legacy will remain. He has made such a difference to the music industry that society is forever indebted to his craft. His music can relate to all eras and genres. When we are grandparents our grandchildren will still be listening to Michael Jacksons music. I remember the first choreographed video i learned was Michael Jacksons "rock with you". During the video he just freestyles, and I learned his freestyle smh! I feel so blessed to have lived enough years to see him as a artist. I feel bad for the people in this world that disowned him, by bad mouthing him and making accusations that they shouldnt have. He was such a beautiful person and I hope that this teaches people that you cannot judge a book by its cover. Just because his physical appearance changed doesnt mean that his inner changed. Dont be fake, if you love someone, then love them unconditionally because you never know if you will see them again or be able to tell them you love them.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

My stomach is growling....

........ And even if I were to eat enough equivalent to gluttony I would still suffer a feeling of emptiness. I have an addiction and its ruining my life I think. Everyday I try so hard to shake my habit and then I end up falling short either when I first wake up or before I lay my head down to sleep. I have asked God to help me or like give me a sign that I need to just quit because its not worth it anymore. Ima fein straight up. It sucks because I know what needs to happen but I lack the will power and strength to press on away from it. About a week ago I was doing really good. My mind actually was distancing itself from the addiction but then, at my most vulnerable hour, my addiction found me this time && swept me away. What to do?! What to do?! I love itt. Like ALOT! More than my peers will ever understand. Its like another world for just me and my addiction. One cloud that we own just for us on the inside so that the outsiders just see cloudiness. There is so much fog between me and seeing the light! What kills me is that I know its only a temporary fix for my pain because eventually it wears off and Im back to stressing. This has become more serious than I ever imagined. Ive changed so much since beginning my addiction...for the good and for the bad. I just want to be happy and pure again. What happened to my innocence?!