Unexpected Matters

Unexpected Matters
"Who Dat"

Sunday, June 7, 2009

My stomach is growling....

........ And even if I were to eat enough equivalent to gluttony I would still suffer a feeling of emptiness. I have an addiction and its ruining my life I think. Everyday I try so hard to shake my habit and then I end up falling short either when I first wake up or before I lay my head down to sleep. I have asked God to help me or like give me a sign that I need to just quit because its not worth it anymore. Ima fein straight up. It sucks because I know what needs to happen but I lack the will power and strength to press on away from it. About a week ago I was doing really good. My mind actually was distancing itself from the addiction but then, at my most vulnerable hour, my addiction found me this time && swept me away. What to do?! What to do?! I love itt. Like ALOT! More than my peers will ever understand. Its like another world for just me and my addiction. One cloud that we own just for us on the inside so that the outsiders just see cloudiness. There is so much fog between me and seeing the light! What kills me is that I know its only a temporary fix for my pain because eventually it wears off and Im back to stressing. This has become more serious than I ever imagined. Ive changed so much since beginning my addiction...for the good and for the bad. I just want to be happy and pure again. What happened to my innocence?!

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