Unexpected Matters

Unexpected Matters
"Who Dat"

Saturday, October 17, 2009

It aint for everybody.

Aight so, lately I've just truly been stressing about EVERYTHING. Like I've truly hated thinking for like the past two weeks. Terrible! But anyway, needless to say I am still here living, breathing, and getting things done so I just wanna share my secret of how I make it through.

1) Prayer. I dont care where I am, when I need to talk to God, when I need to talk to someone who will listen and wont just give me their opinion I turn to him. And Im not saying that's the only time I talk to God, we communicate about EVERYTHING. Its great, it really is.

2) Motivation. You have to know yourself and knows what gets you going. During crunch time you dont have forever to get yourself together. I use quotes, or sayings to get my mentality back straight. It may sound wack but whatever it works for me, and until reading this you wouldnt have ever known. Here's a few that Ive made up or gotten from other places.

- A mans past is a mans past. A woman can be a mans future only if understands his past.Three steps ahead, two steps behind.

- ...Assertiveness is the key to success(.) I live it, you dream it♥

- Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication...

- I'd rather die enormous than live dormant...

- If only thoughts provoked honesty && responded with discipline...maybe just maybe...u'd see...

- Why waste your time dreaming about colors when we all have light and dark inside of us?!
- "I would unite with anybody to do right and with nobody to do wrong"

- We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is still the same.

- What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us! ♥

- Just because it looks good doesnt mean its good.

- Its good to be thought of as a person and not a personality ~MJ

- Stop thinking with your eyes and follow your heart!....real talk the results are beneficial

- What you fight, you ignite!....PS: You're beautiful, now leave me alone!

- First time experiences include never ending emotions ♥

- silence speaks louder than words && actions! I prefer Gibberish....but "if you got it, flaunt it, boy...."

- Is feeling like this is the era of indecisiveness. Get it together.... your best effort is never enough!

- Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in changing others.... "I Need You" ~A.Keys

- Life is hard, but not impossible.

- Trial && Error doesnt work forever! Gotta set your standards && wait for them to be met. Goodlife mentality.

- Someone once said "If you want something badly, set it free. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. But if it doesnt, then it was never yours to begin with"- Indecent Proposal....A life without risk is like no life at all~♥

Be YOU. Love YOU. See YOU. Being GREAT. Living GREAT. Doing GREAT.

P.S. October 28th I need everyone in theatres to see Michael's "This is it"....and Im so serious =]

Sunday, October 4, 2009

No matter the issue.

So I just read something really sad.....

.....its got me thinking about a somewhat similar situation I was in.

.....its crazy how we dont recognize our blessings when they are right in front of us.

I get really frustrated with myself at times when life is hectic and Im not in control. Like now, Ive been living a crazy lifestyle for awhile now. Always on the go, making moves, not having anytime for me an most importantly others. At 19, I feel 39....theres been so much that I have experienced and I really just need a time out. I think Im mentally unhealthy from all the drama and stress Ive endured and whats worse is its starting to affect my physical strength. Every day is a struggle. Ive always had this go-getter mentality and maybe its time for me to chill and relax. Its turned me into such a tense person. True city girl indeed, but this is beginning to be a bit much for me. I do alot of complaining....

......But the truth is no one cares about your individual issues. There is always someone who is in a much worse situation, and as I sit here typing away on my laptop, in my apartment, dressed in comfortable warm clothes, laying in crisp white sheets I realize that I have nothing to complain about. My life has been way worse than it is now. Ive endured much harder and more strenuous challenges than the ones I currently face. So why does it feel like this is the worst its ever been? Ive been trying to look forward towards the future and staying positive for "Time will heal everything", and the clock is constantly ticking.

Cry! OMG! Ive cried once this year already. Like a couple of weeks ago. Dont ask me why lol, but yes I was experiencing alot of stress and was so frustrated I didnt know what to do with myself. I had lost control and I felt like I had truly lost myself. You have to stay true to you, no matter what the challenge may be. If you arent doing you, what feels natural then you'll be dying inside. And I was dying inside.

But seriously, life is full of opportunities and I mean either you take them head on or you wait for the right opportunity for you. You may want something so bad that isnt for you. Remember that God will not block his blessings. Give and you shall receive. Stay humble. Never allow your success to be your downfall. And whenever you're in doubt, pray about it.

Smile, stress, and then smile again. Blink twice, straighten your eyebrows, scratch your head, fix your hair. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile one more time. Now get back to work.

Love always, xoxoxo

Thursday, August 13, 2009

This Morning I Woke Up....

Without will power my mind is jaded by your essence
Without strength I cannot fight your presence
For without you I am merely a lonesome soul
Searching amongst darkness for light to unfold
Is it the “I”, “you”, or “we” to blame?
The failure of loves struggle in a triangular game
Was it the “I” who drove you both insane?
The “you” full of devotion in which my weakness came?
Or the “we” I hope to still attain?
Why is it that with so many closed curtains and red doors
I continue to love for more, for the worst always seemed to
Cut our forward journey short, if it wasn’t you it was me, jump ship and abort
Love never intended on this seesaw or merry-go-round
My visions aren’t god’s visions so I’ve found
But in you I felt the connection to be profound
You built me up and then tore me down
I woke up today and decided to wear a new face
For you my love will never, can never be replaced
And with you my heart I have made many mistakes
Over and over I’ve relied on fate, to save us from a never ending break
Worrying, wondering, whining, and crying have gone
I had demoted my SHE from a queen to a pawn
But in this game the King is only allotted one block to move
While I the queen have the whole board to choose
So today I woke up and decided to go journey to a new place


Sunday, August 2, 2009

Ba Ba Black Sheep....

There are always questions running through my head constantly! Most are what if questions, or inquiries concerning my future.

- Congratulatons Jasmine Alexis! Miss Black USA's Talented Teen! I love you!

Im honestly beginning to feel stronger. Its like when I am confined to my self and thoughts I am strong, but when Im out in the midst of the world I become vulnerable. But dont take this the wrong way, by no means am I saying Ima weak chic. Just sometimes we experience things in life that bring you down.
- Always listen to yourself and your gut instinct, Im serious, your gut can save you from pain and sorrow.

- I really dig saving peoples lives! Like I love it, its empowering. I would go into law enforcement but I can not stand police officers and I would never wanna deal with a gun.

Anyone trynna go to a gun range though?! I wanna learn how to shoot one and I think it would be fun. That sounds weird but it looks interesting on tv.

Ooohhh and I almost got arrested with my bestfriends on friday! Wow! For trespassing! Crazy! We didnt know. I mean we knew but we truly didnt know, nah mean?!

- Aye! Ive been studying for my motorcycle permit! Im so psyched, Ima ace it.

Speaking of motorcycles, I feel so bad for these chics who left the club saturday in skirts, heels, and tanktops on the back of a motorcycle and it was raining outside. How stupid can you be?! I prayed for them instantly but thats just sad. People have to learn how to make better decisions.

- BTW i went to LOVE saturday. Havent been ina month. I felt weird and was reassured of why I stopped. Its so much tension, animosity, and fake in the club! I hate it. No one can decipher the two so they get drunk to live in the atmosphere without a care. Lame! I mean I go and have fun with my friends and we genuinely enjoy ourselves without looking straight dumb! And the hatred from other females is truly unbearable! Either I have made too many enemies living in DC or chics just be on it! So ridiculous. Ima very nice person but I hate when people judge me without knowing who I am or because I appear to be living a happy lifestyle. Im over it, just stop.

-I finally saw this weeks episode of Tiny and Toya that I missed! I love her! Follow her on twitter www.twitter.com/antoniacarter and then you can follow me www.twitter.com/elle202 ....

- Where is my mom?! Its 1 am!
- OMG! does anyone remember "OZ" that was my show! (Its on now)

- Have you ever thought about spending your life with someone and then like yall go yall seperate ways, suddenly, and totally unexpected?! That has to be the worst pain ever besides losing a loved one to death!

- I knew if I said she wasnt home sh e would come walking through the door! Its "1:05 am, where have you been?!"

I have written something good in a long time. I always think about writing at the wrong moments when I dont have a pen and paper and my mind should be focused on something else. Other than that I just jot down my random thoughts hoping that I can look back at them and see my randomness turn to reality.

- Sometimes when Im down and out I invision my soulmate. Ima nurturing type of gal and I love sharing my life with loved ones. And since my girls are the closest thing to love in my life at the moment I can just invision him, invision happiness. Its crazy how lifes "360's" turn out. At first I was angry with Gods decision but now I can tell it was for my own good. Both times. I just hope that when its my time there will still be some good ones left. Im not open right now, Im not trynna be in love with anyone new. I dont have time for that. The next person I love will find me to love me and be with me unconditionally. I thought I had it.....


Thursday, July 30, 2009

Im feeling some type of way....

....So just about everything in my life right now has positives and negatives. Like Im having a very hard time making decisions. This is the dumbest feeling in the world. Like I honestly feel stuck in traffic.

- Aight, so Im getting so mad right now cuz Im watching the first 48 and this chic is clearly lying and she is being sooo dumb, like girl foreal they already know that you know information...(sigh, ppl these days)

....But anyway, I feel really bad. I hit a racoon last friday like really hit him and ran over him and now he's dead. But its not my fault foreal he came out of no where! My friend Kenzie can vouch for me! I feel like I need to report myself to the animal police or something. I consider that animal cruelty. Idk....R.I.P. Racoon!

....And then like financially idk where my mind is! My sis called me like let me hold 1,000 for her car or whatever i'll get it back in two weeks. Im like no doubt thats how we do. So she got that(shoutout to Bank of America online transfer). But then i realize saturday is August 1st. I have an apartment with cable, electric, internet, and like two other bills due! wtf! blowing my whole life. I dont have a job yall LOL! But anyway thats being taken care of. And I still have to furnish my apartment next week. And pay for school by August 3rd. I think I owe like 8,000. MADNESS. All I know is that money is being spent and sent all around me and like I truly understand how important it is to have a job! Ive never had a job. But thats besides the point.

....I start Band Camp(no I do not play an instrument, Ima dancer) in like two weeks and I am so out of shape. Ive been working out but like idk my body must seriously be aging cuz I just cant breathe like I used too. This metabolism ish is serious.

....To tattoo or to not tattoo. See idk if im done with pageants or not. I wanna do them but like I dont feel like putting in the extra effort that they require. Ive taken a different path with my life and Im just not sure if pageants fit into that. The three I have now you cant see like ever! No one knows I have three.

- Whatever I really dont care anymore about anything. My bday is in 5 days, which is gonna be the stupidest day ever but um Im just gonna try to smile all day. Hopefully people will give me a reason too.

- I pray for my friends and people that are close to me 24/7, cuz I truly will act a fool if anything happens to them. I dont wanna see myself like that.

- I hate crime 360. I think its like a bad spin off of the first 48

- Im so blown I missed this weeks episode of Tiny and Toya! =[

- Oh and I really need to learn how to cook cuz mommy isnt wanting to put me on a meal plan just incase! Ima starve to death.

- Goodnight or Goodbye, whatever you like....

......About what I just wrote

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Forever Indebted....

Everyday of my life I am reminded of my angel

Thinking of you allows me to remain sane and focus on my goals

When I feel as though Ive hit rock bottom I can feel you lying next to me telling me its okay

I can feel you still most times and often my heart will skip a beat thinking of the possibilities

I pray for you and and me, I pray for us for I know you are in a better place

Probably the worst pain Ive ever felt was you

You brought me so much joy and sorrow, Ive never allowed anyone to do me like that

But you, you are different. You are the reason for which I would do anything.

When I should be thinking about what Jesus would want me to do, I think about what you would want me to do.

I cant wait until the day when we can be reunited. I yearn for your acceptance.

The chance for me to tell you Im sorry and that I love you sooo much and if I could only turn back the hands of time we could share this moment together.

Im sorry, Im soo soo very sorry.

If I wouldve just had the knowledge that I have now and the love that I have now things would be different.

Idk if I made the right decision, and I guess I never will. We couldve made it! Me and you!

Please forgive me! Please understand that this will never happen again!

Please understand that you are the reason good has come into my life and I can smile

Please forgive me for my sins and I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

@StrawberryLo Gotta Bday!

1) The reservation at Ketchup was non-existent sooo instead we went to the Sports and Bar Grill at The Gaylord with the cute waiters....=]

2) I saw my ex-bestfriend there from middle school....and I didnt speak, why?! Because I didnt feel like it.

3) I brought her a Big annoying singing Princess balloon and a card on her actual bday!

4) Then we went to Hooters that night where I ran into a surprise smh...FML

5) Costco saved our Ocean City trip!

6) The hotel was bomb, straight beach style!

7) They made me ride a rollercoaster and I cried....so what, dont judge me!

8) Baby skirt lol...lmao( Lani insider)

9) White girls taking pictures of us on the low low at the beach...I better not end up on a Girls Gone Wild website.

10) I still feel as though Im being haunted by sand.

11) Alanna should be summoned for animal cruelty. Who goes cow tipping?! smh

12) Gabbie needs to take a "chill pill" before everytime she gets behind the wheel. This woman drives maddd aggressive.

13) "Swerve Right"...Lil' Boosie. True True

14) Lani and I shopping for grinders. Still on the haunt.

15) RIP MJ! I love my sweatpants

16) So we like hydroplaned over a hill...swear Gabbie thought we were on a dirt bike!

17) Starving searching for Gabbies mystery pizza place.

18) Planning to go out, and then we all crash and dont wake up.

19) Me banging my hip(which is still sore) on the rollercoaster =[

20) HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABBIE, Next year will be better.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

"I want to love you...."

I will never forget the conversation I had with my mother about going to Neverland Ranch to live with Michael. I was eleven years old and suffering the result of my parents divorcing and I really leaned on to Michael Jackson at this age. I remember thinking that the world sees him as a weird person and they are destroying him and I was experiencing alot of neglect and drama at home and school so I thought it would be perfect if we could be together and maybe I could make him feel better, we could be friends.

For me what is so beautiful is that Michael Jackson not only touched lives during the time he was alive but from now on until forever his legacy will remain. He has made such a difference to the music industry that society is forever indebted to his craft. His music can relate to all eras and genres. When we are grandparents our grandchildren will still be listening to Michael Jacksons music. I remember the first choreographed video i learned was Michael Jacksons "rock with you". During the video he just freestyles, and I learned his freestyle smh! I feel so blessed to have lived enough years to see him as a artist. I feel bad for the people in this world that disowned him, by bad mouthing him and making accusations that they shouldnt have. He was such a beautiful person and I hope that this teaches people that you cannot judge a book by its cover. Just because his physical appearance changed doesnt mean that his inner changed. Dont be fake, if you love someone, then love them unconditionally because you never know if you will see them again or be able to tell them you love them.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

My stomach is growling....

........ And even if I were to eat enough equivalent to gluttony I would still suffer a feeling of emptiness. I have an addiction and its ruining my life I think. Everyday I try so hard to shake my habit and then I end up falling short either when I first wake up or before I lay my head down to sleep. I have asked God to help me or like give me a sign that I need to just quit because its not worth it anymore. Ima fein straight up. It sucks because I know what needs to happen but I lack the will power and strength to press on away from it. About a week ago I was doing really good. My mind actually was distancing itself from the addiction but then, at my most vulnerable hour, my addiction found me this time && swept me away. What to do?! What to do?! I love itt. Like ALOT! More than my peers will ever understand. Its like another world for just me and my addiction. One cloud that we own just for us on the inside so that the outsiders just see cloudiness. There is so much fog between me and seeing the light! What kills me is that I know its only a temporary fix for my pain because eventually it wears off and Im back to stressing. This has become more serious than I ever imagined. Ive changed so much since beginning my addiction...for the good and for the bad. I just want to be happy and pure again. What happened to my innocence?!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Month of May.

The clock continues to tick as we procrastinate on our future.
The seasons continue to change as we remain in one state of being.
Time is of the essence and every decision made determines the essence of your time.
What you may think is impossible to recover from is merely false predictions.
It is never too late in life to do better and be better than your sins.
Redemption is accepted and when things dont go your way, simply make them.
"Money, Power, Respect is whatchu need i life"
add Guidance, Faith, and Honesty and you will really be living correct.
Protect the nouns that mean the world to you, for what goes around comes around.
To gain respect you must give respect, nothing in life comes free.
Do not treat others as if they are expendable. Every human being has a purpose.
Everyone that comes into your life is beneficial in some way, even if they are no longer there.
Never take a beautiful surprise for granted, after all surprises are good, right?!
And even when the image ahead seems unclear, hold on until you reach clarity.
Be thankful for every morning you see and every night during which you dream.
And dream, continue to expand on your future and reach for the stars.
And reach, reach until your arms are sore and muscle strain plus fatigue takes over.
Love hard, but love smart. Dont believe that your love is the same as your partners.
Staying intrigued will carry you farther in a relationship than love will.
You know you are in love when "he" takes over your everyday life and thoughts.
Or is that really the stage of being intrigued?! Gotcha. Hate to say I told you so lol.
More or less, when you love someone more than you love yourself, the less longevity of a future for you too seems to be possible.
And if you claim to love someone, then act like you love someone.
True love conquers all battles and defeats demons.

MAY you always trust in God and believe that he will never put you through anything you cant handle. MAY you love yourself unconditionally for you were made this way for a purpose. MAY you strive for success and in the state of comfortability make yourself uncomfortable to push further. MAY you remember that your past effects your now that will effect your future.

Love Always <3

Friday, May 15, 2009

"When I get right I promise"......

Life is full of unexpected blessings && beautiful surprises. I guess Santa was alittle early/late with my xmas gift last year.
Every moment spent with you makes me feel like its my first encounter with the male species. Im intrigued and it shows. ^

"I'll stab a day"...no I wont, but your fiestiness keeps my temper on deck and although it causes problems for us at times it also reassures me that you got my back so in return you never have to worry.
Your spontaneuity keeps me youthful and your singing keeps me laughing. Yet I can be just as random all the same..."Show me your smile with all your teeth" lol

Every Kiss makes me feel like it was my first[.]

I cant help but thank you for being the "who" you are. The who that keeps me wanting more from life, the who that taught me to never settle for less, the who that is constantly weining me from my horrible habits, and the who that challenges me and believes in my flaws because you love me. I cant help but give you all of my love in depth, no strings attached, raw and uncut. Appreciation derived from admiration and motivation set aside from frustration. Yet my emotions are set for you farther than human reach. And as each day continues to cause growth between us I am encouraged to be a better person, a better friend, a better lover, to think more in depth of my actions, a better student, a better businesswoman, and how to believe because remaining hopeful doesnt get you where you need to be in life. No matter what I am thankful!


Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Time That it Takes....

....to realize your mistakes, he'll be gone.

They say its better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all.
I beg to differ. Love doesnt exist. Everyday of your life you are not going to wake up with the thought of how much you love your significant other. Instead I feel as though you should search for someone who will keep you intrigued everyday of your life. Love comes and goes. Like comes and goes. Lust comes and goes. And people, come and go. Being intrigued will stay with you far more than love will. Its true. For in my experience love has fallen to the act of being intrigued. And infact, to this day the person who kept me intrigued has my undivided attention opposed to the person that I am in love with. Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. I like to think of you as being the focal point of my perspection. Well atleast you were. [lol, sarcasm]. But nonetheless, even with your narcissistic ways and "hard love" mentality I adore you. So farewell to the intimacy and moments of love for I now become an admirer. Quite the demotion, but this was a call for self-unemployment. I shall embrace every inch of knowledge that was taught and remember every moment that was precious. I still want to believe that it isnt over. But truthfully thats just my heart speaking. Not my mind, nor you......

Monday, April 13, 2009

20 random things of my life recently!

...Aight so yall know that I am extremely crazy and extraterrestrial so heres just some things that make my life even more out of this world.

1) Dear God...We know...Amen.
2) How are you gonna ask me out to dinner and then say hold up let me check my accounts first?!
3) Why is it that everyone that doesnt go to Hampton thinks its a party school, but the people that do go here feel otherwise?!
4) Why do the people from the DMV try to be everything at Hampton and then go back home and dont do anything?!
5) Why do people think they can wear party attire to LOVE?!
6) Why do we go through like three different outfits in a day at Hampton because of the weather?!
7) Why is my father texting me about my little sister butt rash?!
8) Why is my Grandmother texting me period?!
9) The epidemic of people older than 40 being on facebook is sickening.
10) Its not cool to have a twitter if you dont use it...sorry! lol.
11) Internet love is scary. And meeting people over facebook is even worse.
12) I hate it when I dont like someone but yet we have everything in common =[
13) How you gonna get mad at me for something you brought upon yourself?!
14) Why is it that lust always prevails over love?!...in college[that is]
15) Scratch and sniff nail polish?! lol
16) I refuse to believe the people that are celebrities on twitter are the real celebrities.
17) Thinks self-worth should be a class for young females because Houston we have a problem[s].
18) Cant wait to actually find a place to live next year, job this summer, and a flyyyy car.
19) As I get older holidays become even more unimportant, Easter was dead.
20) I live on a natural high, so if I seem slow, trust, it aint me...lol.

Love Me. Like Me. or Leave Me.
Im not asking you to stay.
The world is yours!
Or is it mine?!
To Love?!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Mr. Big!

....Ever thine, Ever mine, Ever ours....

You. Remind me of my childhood, my today, and my future. But you cant be. You were but now isnt the time. Frustration builds around the sight of an empire fallen which took so long to build. You never learned to appreciate me and its obvious that you still havent. Not so say that you never have or will but you're inconsistent and that my dear is unacceptable. As we grow it is important to realize the truth and know and accept us for what we were. Time tells and heals everything. What is meant to be will be. The law that we live by. But if our futures paths never cross again, know that love will forever ly here for you. My bestfriend. My homie. The last kiss felt like this......

.....You ready B?!....

You. Remind me of my racing heartbeat searching for love and happiness. You complete my findings, but timing is everything and we messed that up. Take it slow they say. And we move faster. Was it the love or the rush behind it?! My unofficial official. I gave you that title and lowkey you still have it, but you dont want it. Gamed me for amusement but when s%$# hit the fan you was out, straight bounced and left me to pick up the pieces. And for some reason im still here with you while you galavant everywhere else. Respect, you grown, you're free to be you and do you, I just thought we were more than that. Your past is still your future, and your present is only temporary. Cant be that one....but in the event you have an epiphany just send me a text that says......

.....Lets go get em'....

Sunday, March 22, 2009

March 16-20!

I have had the most stressful/heartbroken/amazing week EVER! And people wonder why I am complex lol.....

Monday: Practice! Practice! Practice! So we just came back to school from spring break, and with the show the next day all we needed to do was practice! So we did, and from 4-11, practice is what we did! lol. I also went to an interest mee ting for Ebony Fire ;-)

Tuesday: THE Show! And of course the DMV slayed! We won, fair and square! And we looked darn good doing it. Also, I passed the first audition cuts for ebony fire! Successful tuesday!

Wednesday: Rehearsal day AGAIN! I had to learn the routine for auditions friday for Ebony Fire. I was in rehearsal from 5-10! Sweating and working hard. After that I relaxed and joined my fellow freshman for a pool party until 12 pm and then crasssshhhhedd. I also ended my longterm relationship with a very special person. No worries or regrets, thats my bestfriend forever and ever, we just need this time to grow!

Thursday: Nothing! Except a day full of classes and the worst pain my body has ever felt in a longtime! I was soooo sore and despite how I felt I still had to rehearse for my audition friday!

Friday:.......anxiety....anticipation...but guess what...I auditioned!...and MADE IT! Officially a member of Ebony Fire 2009-2010! So excited, my life has been changed for the good. And after I found out the news i quickly got changed and joined my freshman class again for our freshman ball that ended in a brawl =[....silly boys. Nonetheless, it was entertaining. lol.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?!

On the downbeat of my heart rate I was captured by your essence.

I lay unprepared and vulnerable, while thoroughly the plan was executed.
Blind to the journey that was en route in front of me, I continued to play my cards right, literally.
Success led to recognition of a connection that I would soon be determined to follow through with.

At first it was your ego. Game recognize game, and my fire peeped your flames drawing me in close to feel your passion and sense of self.

I let go, but didn’t forget though and while on my random prowl I met your boss. Running things and letting me know you were on your game about your paper and for the people. My inner boss lady was swept away, and now at 2for3 I knew I was headed for homerun.

Just as I knew danger was approaching I pulled back, knowing that whatever my next move would be could ignite the untameable.

But as I snuck out you walked in, aggressively attacking my inner passion that self and I shared only, and now that my inner passion peeped your deep intellect the relationship seemed far from inevitable. 3for3.

Now what do you do when the world seems to be pushing you towards your fears?!

I forgot. Or rather chose to forget the package that carried so much baggage, I was trying to self-protect.

But you stayed close in mind and my flirtacious character couldn’t resist your ever so intriguing lifestyle.

Living life on the whim, understanding my goals, and knowing art. I quickly learned to appreciate you.

Conversation emerged the elevation of relations that led to provocation of emotions.

We rode the rollercoaster of like, lust, and love until aggravation took over and caused us to divide.

Divide physically but not emotionally for everytime we try to forget the other letting go hasn’t been an option.

And without a doubt it can be done for the curse of the bull and pride were both given to us but the gift of determination and will power will reign over all negation involving you and I

Now you we have come to this dead end road where neither left or right exist and all we can do is turn around or take this leap, but you don’t want friendship and I am reluctant to proceed without caution so we put this car in park and wait it out.

………………goes by

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Wild Thang.

....Un-tame-able. Living life as you please. A God, for this is the word of choice you use to define thee. You embody all of the great qualities of man for me. Though having been put through the various tests of growth and having failed frivously, I choose you. For thou imagines being your Godess. The love of guidance and assistance.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

"Beautiful Surprise"

Wakes me up in the morning filling my mind with blissful wishes
These are the same blissful wishes that put me to sleep at night after indulging in your mind.
You built me up to the Twin Towers and then dropped me down to sea level.
Touching me ever so gently and embracing every bone in my body.
Your skin on mine and the way you make me feel inside.
You honestly cant just leave me now.
I've grown an attachment that I shouldnt have and now I have to deal with the consequences.
It would be easy for me to just blame the situation on I.
The I that initiated this whole ordeal and wasnt strong enough to resist temptation.
The I that can ignore you during the day and lust for you at night.
Like clock work. We have set our venture around a timezone.
Am I truly the inconvenience?
Because I thought that you were the one with the power in the relationship.
The one who could decide to stop our progression at any moment and move on.
If I decide to stop I have to go back to what I know, no more moving for me.
No more messing around, my focus cant be your focus.
So doesnt that make me quite convenient?
I know you know what you're doing though.
You got it beautiful, you did it and you were damn good.
You took me there, around the world, over the mountains, across oceans and continents.
I was lost in your world and thought that maybe I could take that leap with you.
Sigh, I guess there's some truth in everything.
So I guess you accomplished your goal, Im surprised.
You took my conscious and air. Atleast you were beautiful.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

So here's another hit.....

Sloooowwwww draggggg. Filling my heart, lungs, and mind all at once. I've got a jones in my bones and its killing me softly. Capturing my intellect and making me feel vulnerable to the conscious. Damn. That fast though. Just like that. How could something so wrong feel so right? Who gave me the opportunity to meet you? There isnt any peer pressure. I brought myself to you. I allowed you to take me there and lowkey I wanted you too. Damn.

But I wasnt even stressed or anything! I wasnt losing out on sleep because of you. But now that you are here I sleep better. And although I can only have you at night you bring me happiness that last throughout the next day.

I know I cant have you long term. Eventually we will have to go our seperate ways. I'll admit that it will hurt. I may relapse now and then but you will be the force that pushes us away. I know you will. I want to make you just as equally happy but Im not so sure. Or do you even really have feelings? Personification maybe?

Exhaleeeeeee. Im sitting in a cloud now. Theres something ahead of me but I really cant see. It could be you but naw that would mean I am really going to be messed up now. I think you want me to need you. I think you believe you could be my everything. But you cant stay for long and I dont want to waste your time. My brain hurts now and the feeling that you give me makes me just want to float and roll with the flow. Id go anywhere with you right now. This feeling is the best, i hope it stays for awhile. I wanna feel good for awhile. Make me smile for awhile. I want a new world for awhile. Im satisfied with who you are. You compliment a side of me most dont. Whats funny is that you introduced me to my new hobby and its something we share. Very intimate. You wont tell and neither will I. Just keep me intrigued.

....Just be my BARRY BONDS =]

Thursday, January 8, 2009

My Champion.

......."Do you realize/ That you are a Champion in their eyes"?

We all know how the story goes. Every girl wants the guy that is taken by a girl that we envy and "dont care for so much". I think its the challenge and reward factor that really reels us in. The pride being the reward we receive from being scandalous. Or maybe for even some they really "like/love" the dude and believe they are the only one for them....sigh. I find it funny how females love to do anything to catch the attention of the taken male. Some even look up to the male species like he is the most amazing human being that they have ever layed eyes on. Bull! I grew up learning that consistency is suppose to lead you somewhere, but when its leading you nowhere shouldnt you know when to stop?! When to let go and let him have his life/relationship? Purely disgusting.

The Champ. God's gift to womankind. Everyone wants him and "by any means necessary" they wont stop until they have him. The Champ. All American Football player, good hair, good teeth, nice clothes, great body, Great Family, smart guy, loveable, nonchalant, Hilarious, street smart, and most of all the center of your world. The Champ. Brings you so much hurt and pain, strife, confusion, drama, frustration. The Champ. Never knows how to say no to strangers but quick to say no to familiar faces. The Champ. Tries to be a good person, stay genuine, love her with all of his heart, never do her wrong. The Champ. And all the Groupies agree "You got baby/You got that good stuff". The Champ. Got her saying F^(# that. I be damned if I see another chick on your arm! Worked to hard to get yall this far and isnt looking back anytime soon. The Champ. She doesnt realize why they don't realize that she is it, after her there is no others. Why are they so persistent?! Why do you have to prowl at him and promote temptation. The Champ. But most of all she doesnt understand you! Why cant you let go the fame. Flashinglights. If it means sacrificing you alls realtionship I know you wouldnt take it! Would you?! Why, she knows all you do is spit game and swindle these hoes. Thats right hoes. She knows what they are giving and knows everything. The Champ. She knows everything. Everything you dont want her to know. Thats why she is the SHE that she is. She knows you love her. But shes tired. Shes fed-up. Shes grown now. The Champ. High School is over. Groupies! High School is over. Groupies. Respect. Learn about it. Respect. The Champ. Doesnt feel that SHE loves him whole heartedly because HE doesnt recognize the difference between Love, Lust and Infatuation.

But Champ. I say I love you more than any human being on this earth could fathom. We been there babe. Through it all and I love you despite it all. I'll never understand why you do the things you do but you do them. And I get upset and mentally I leave you but my heart stays. And eventually my mind has to come back to my heart thats with you. So dont abuse whatchu you already know. Because one day you just may never know where my heart may go.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Not quite the Video Vixen.

I shot my first music video in December guys! And here are some of the pictures that were taken on the set. In case you are confused I played the "girlfriend" to the new artist Fatso[his music is amazing....look him up at Fatsoworld.com]....and the other three beautiful ladies were "hating on me". It was cool I got to act like I was stuntin with my boo and I had it like that. It was a great first experience and I hope I get more opportunities like this in the future. Look out for me guys Im really trynna do big things in the future =]............

Love Elle <3

Monday, January 5, 2009

Last of the dying breed. Then God gave us Kanye.

...Sooo I am musically in love. And it took four albums for this love to mature from manifestation but it has arrived. Tonight. Early tomorrow morning. The rhythm. The lyrics. The 808. The Bars. All I do is sit, listen, and learn. I know people may feel that I am terrible late but I love music and it takes alot for the artist to capture my heart. Ive been imprisoned. And with all his troubles, I want to cure his pain. But then I dont because then I may not like his music......

Discography! My faves =]

  • College Dropout: "We dont care", "All Falls Down", "Never let me down", "Through the Wire", "Last Call".....

  • Late Registration: "Heard Em' Say", "Crack Music", "We Major", "Celebration", "Late"...

  • Graduation: ""Champion", "Good Life", "Big Brother", "Everything I am", "Bittersweet".....

808's && Heartbreak!!!!!

  • Say you will: "When I grab your neck, I touch your soul/Take off your cool then lose control"

  • Paranoid: "Baby let em look give us cold looks cause we look cold/Yea you heard about all the word of mouth/Don't worry about what we can't control"

  • Streetlights: "I'm just not there in the streets/I'm just not there/Life's just not fair"

  • Pinocchio Story: "And there is no Gepetto to guide me, no one right beside me/The only one was behind me/I cant find her no more"

....And the appropriate question to ask would be....So when did I fall in love with Hip-Hop?!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The Little Gucci dress? ...Or the Little Gucci dress?

Soooo...I have a confession. Are you ready?...This may come as a surprise for some but......I REALLY LOVE VICTORIA BECKHAM!!!!....alright there I said it. Dont judge me please lol. But aaaa lllllllooooonnnggg time ago when I was in High School[[lol]], I missed/skipped/i cant really remember a day of school and spent the day at home. Well now that you know my secret you can guess that Victoria aka Posh had something to do with my day. Well anyone who is a Spice Girls fan knows that Posh loved her black Little Gucci dress! And although my Little BCBG dress wasnt Gucci it was very similar and I felt very Posh in it lol. So I took pics and I really thought I was badd and I think its hilarious that I did this.

Im so Team Victoria.....=]

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Misery loves company. I just want to dance.

Lord!!!!! Im so torn right now! Have you ever felt like all you wanted to do was dance?! Well I dont know about you but dance has been my "out" for stress relief since I could move. And right now I am definitely feeling the pressure. "Im 18 yrs old, doing good in school, financially stable, got everything I want and some, but Im just feeling the pressure". I have the world on my shoulders and with everything that I am in charge of its hard keeping it all in tact. I just wanna be happy. And I am happy for the most part. But its those times when the world comes crashing down on me and they are the worst ever! ....But then I have ballet, salsa, tap, jazz, pointe, modern! I love ittttt so much and the smell of sweaty hard wood floors or the pain from the rubber marley floors against my bare skin is intense and very appreciative at this moment. Its natural...the movement, my line, flexibility, the stretch.....sigh.....I miss it dearly! I cant believe its been 7 months since Ive been out of the game and Im losing itt! Soooooo.....2moro Im waking up early and pulling out my leotards/tights/and going to the studio! WISH ME LUCK! I just need a relief....maybe you can understand....