Im feeling some type of way....

....So just about everything in my life right now has positives and negatives. Like Im having a very hard time making decisions. This is the dumbest feeling in the world. Like I honestly feel stuck in traffic.

- Aight, so Im getting so mad right now cuz Im watching the first 48 and this chic is clearly lying and she is being sooo dumb, like girl foreal they already know that you know information...(sigh, ppl these days)

....But anyway, I feel really bad. I hit a racoon last friday like really hit him and ran over him and now he's dead. But its not my fault foreal he came out of no where! My friend Kenzie can vouch for me! I feel like I need to report myself to the animal police or something. I consider that animal cruelty. Idk....R.I.P. Racoon!

....And then like financially idk where my mind is! My sis called me like let me hold 1,000 for her car or whatever i'll get it back in two weeks. Im like no doubt thats how we do. So she got that(shoutout to Bank of America online transfer). But then i realize saturday is August 1st. I have an apartment with cable, electric, internet, and like two other bills due! wtf! blowing my whole life. I dont have a job yall LOL! But anyway thats being taken care of. And I still have to furnish my apartment next week. And pay for school by August 3rd. I think I owe like 8,000. MADNESS. All I know is that money is being spent and sent all around me and like I truly understand how important it is to have a job! Ive never had a job. But thats besides the point.

....I start Band Camp(no I do not play an instrument, Ima dancer) in like two weeks and I am so out of shape. Ive been working out but like idk my body must seriously be aging cuz I just cant breathe like I used too. This metabolism ish is serious.

....To tattoo or to not tattoo. See idk if im done with pageants or not. I wanna do them but like I dont feel like putting in the extra effort that they require. Ive taken a different path with my life and Im just not sure if pageants fit into that. The three I have now you cant see like ever! No one knows I have three.

- Whatever I really dont care anymore about anything. My bday is in 5 days, which is gonna be the stupidest day ever but um Im just gonna try to smile all day. Hopefully people will give me a reason too.

- I pray for my friends and people that are close to me 24/7, cuz I truly will act a fool if anything happens to them. I dont wanna see myself like that.

- I hate crime 360. I think its like a bad spin off of the first 48

- Im so blown I missed this weeks episode of Tiny and Toya! =[

- Oh and I really need to learn how to cook cuz mommy isnt wanting to put me on a meal plan just incase! Ima starve to death.

- Goodnight or Goodbye, whatever you like....

......About what I just wrote

Forever Indebted....

Everyday of my life I am reminded of my angel

Thinking of you allows me to remain sane and focus on my goals

When I feel as though Ive hit rock bottom I can feel you lying next to me telling me its okay

I can feel you still most times and often my heart will skip a beat thinking of the possibilities

I pray for you and and me, I pray for us for I know you are in a better place

Probably the worst pain Ive ever felt was you

You brought me so much joy and sorrow, Ive never allowed anyone to do me like that

But you, you are different. You are the reason for which I would do anything.

When I should be thinking about what Jesus would want me to do, I think about what you would want me to do.

I cant wait until the day when we can be reunited. I yearn for your acceptance.

The chance for me to tell you Im sorry and that I love you sooo much and if I could only turn back the hands of time we could share this moment together.

Im sorry, Im soo soo very sorry.

If I wouldve just had the knowledge that I have now and the love that I have now things would be different.

Idk if I made the right decision, and I guess I never will. We couldve made it! Me and you!

Please forgive me! Please understand that this will never happen again!

Please understand that you are the reason good has come into my life and I can smile

Please forgive me for my sins and I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!

@StrawberryLo Gotta Bday!

1) The reservation at Ketchup was non-existent sooo instead we went to the Sports and Bar Grill at The Gaylord with the cute waiters....=]

2) I saw my ex-bestfriend there from middle school....and I didnt speak, why?! Because I didnt feel like it.

3) I brought her a Big annoying singing Princess balloon and a card on her actual bday!

4) Then we went to Hooters that night where I ran into a surprise smh...FML

5) Costco saved our Ocean City trip!

6) The hotel was bomb, straight beach style!

7) They made me ride a rollercoaster and I cried....so what, dont judge me!

8) Baby skirt lol...lmao( Lani insider)

9) White girls taking pictures of us on the low low at the beach...I better not end up on a Girls Gone Wild website.

10) I still feel as though Im being haunted by sand.

11) Alanna should be summoned for animal cruelty. Who goes cow tipping?! smh

12) Gabbie needs to take a "chill pill" before everytime she gets behind the wheel. This woman drives maddd aggressive.

13) "Swerve Right"...Lil' Boosie. True True

14) Lani and I shopping for grinders. Still on the haunt.

15) RIP MJ! I love my sweatpants

16) So we like hydroplaned over a hill...swear Gabbie thought we were on a dirt bike!

17) Starving searching for Gabbies mystery pizza place.

18) Planning to go out, and then we all crash and dont wake up.

19) Me banging my hip(which is still sore) on the rollercoaster =[

20) HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABBIE, Next year will be better.